Internet slow, disconnecting, possibly mad at me?

Good morning, The Help Desk! How are you? I hope you slept well.

Anyway, this is the part where I start complaining about a problem I’m having, expecting some omnipotent being to descend upon my computer and fix it instantly, because god forbid I be without the internet for a night. I might even be forced to read a book or something.

So here it goes. I’m not sure what’s going on, or if it’s even related to the problems I’ve mentioned in previous emails, but the Internet is being incredibly slow tonight and is just all around reluctant to be nice to me. Websites don’t load or load after a dog’s age, my email application (thunderbird) cannot download or send mail without timing out several times, AOL Instant Messenger continues to lose connection every couple of minutes*, and a game I had been trying to download/preload (legally, I assure you, as I’ve mentioned before (but have since stopped due to the amount of problems I’ve been having with my connection tonight)) had been downloading at 2-18 KB/s. Seriously. 2 KB. I’m not even mad, that’s amazing.

*And now AIM has locked me out of signing on because I’ve been disconnecting and automatically signing off too much. That’s a nifty feature…

I don’t really expect you, whoever is unfortunate enough to get all my emails (I believe it was Bridgette last time. Don’t you work at The Cigar?), to be able to do anything about it, especially at this hour when I’m pretty sure you’re closed, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to let you know it was happening. Right? I bet you’re going to have to forward this to your network administrator again anyway, like my last emails. But can you at least clue me into why this has been happening, even if it can’t be fixed?
Is there maintenance going on or something? Or are all my roommates illegally downloading numerous massive torrents simultaneously? Is there any way for you to even find that out? Can you destroy their internet connections with extreme prejudice if that’s the case? Have I angered the Internet gods somehow? How can I atone for my sins?

I just want the Internet and I to be friends again.

Very truly yours,

Andrew Brennan